Why am I a Mormon?

I've been finding myself having to answer that question a lot.

Its hard dealing with people who are close to me that are anti-Mormon. A few that question, why be a Mormon, what benefit is it to being a member? One that no longer trusts me because of my decision.

Its been extremely trying recently. I'm not used to having to defend my faith. I've felt the adversary push me really really hard. Trying to weave in and using those that matter to me to make me change my mind. It really sucks. A lot a lot. I know that we grow when we have to deal with adversity. I'm guessing that this is supposed to make me stronger.

It started a few weeks ago when a friend witnessed an argument between me and another friend. We were talking about it. She said (I am paraphrasing, not a direct quote) that she thought Mormons weren't supposed to be worldly. We are supposed to be nice and love one another. Be there for one another. A community, a family. If we act as everyone else does, then what is the difference between us and everyone else? Why become a Mormon if there is no difference?

That really had me thinking and reflecting upon my own behavior. Was I acting worldly? Was I not representing the church positively? What had I done to make her question becoming a Mormon? That night, I sat down and was prompted to write to her and send her my testimony. I re-read my own testimony as well. The one I wrote when I joined the church and the one I wrote a year later. I still felt strongly in them. I felt that I had grown stronger in my testimony since I had written them. I wrote to her and shared my thoughts and did as I was prompted.

Upon my behavior, the argument was about I had felt disrespected and disappointed in the other person. I had been having a hard time forgiving her of her trespasses against me. I realized that I was in the wrong and prayed for help. I found forgiveness in my heart for her and sent her a message telling her that I forgive her. I felt a lot better afterwards.

I was visiting someone that is anti-Mormon. It doesn't typically come up. We just don't talk about it. Then we get along fine. This time was very different. They were very open about their displeasure over me being a member of the church. We already weren't close, but had been starting to rebuild a relationship when I joined. I was informed that I am not allowed to certain family information. Genealogy, pictures, stories, etc. Information that I would really love to have, simply because I am a Mormon. They don't trust me. Not because of anything they actually have to base anything on. Just because I am a member of the church.

I have to be honest, that really really really hurts and stings. I had some very serious thoughts about, wouldn't it be easier if I stopped being a Mormon? Just stop going to church. I don't really participate as it is. I just go to the Sunday meetings, index, attend baptism sessions at the temple when I can, and helped teach the family history class while it was going on. I'm not popular. I don't have a group of friends. I don't really have many people that care about me in my ward at all. I already didn't drink or smoke. I've stopped profaning. I'm still single. It wouldn't matter much if I became inactive.

Except, I would lose a lot. I would lose all the progress I've made. It would matter a lot to Heavenly Father. It would matter a lot to Jesus Christ. To the Spirit. I'd be turning my back on them in the vain attempt to have a better relationship with maybe two people. One I have a decent relationship with, even though I am Mormon. The other, I didn't really have a relationship to begin with and it became worse now that I'm a Mormon. I know the first would be glad if I became inactive. The other, I doubt would really care. I'd be doing it for their approval, but does that really matter?? I would certainly love to have it. Its always something that has been just out of reach. I've always felt like I'm a disappointment to that person. There's nothing I can really do. Nothing I've ever been able to do. So why try? I don't know. Maybe because they matter to me.

Its been on my mind all day. There is far more benefit to me staying a member rather than straying off. I may never have the approval of that one person. I didn't have it prior to joining the church. While that is very hard, its not worth risking living with Heavenly Father for. All that I have, all that I am, for the approval of one person. That is foolish. I feel kinda dumb for even considering it. Maybe its good though, partially, to have become that weak. Maybe its a way of rebuilding even stronger than I already was. I don't know.

Why AM I a Mormon? Well, that can be a long answer. To start with, because I know that this is the one true church. That has been reaffirmed to me multiple times. When I was looking to change and have a new life, something that I thought was an impossible dream, the Spirit came to me and directed me to the missionaries. Not to the Catholics, not to the Protestants, not to jump off a cliff, but to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Since I joined the church, it has been a battle on and off with the adversary. Its a battle worth fighting. I agree with our beliefs, our values, and what we follow. I believe that Joseph Smith Jr was visited by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the Sacred grove. We have a prophet, his counselors, the  apostles, and the seventy that all testify of Him. I've been listening to the CES devotionals and general conference a lot recently. Its all true. I have my home and didn't lose it all when I was unemployed because I am a Mormon. It helped with getting a job at Deseret Industries. The car accidents I've been in haven't been worse than they already were because of His protection. I feel the presence of the Spirit and am guided by it. I've been to do baptisms in the temple and have felt His presence there. I know that its all true. I hope that I am not draw down to the point of considering leaving it all again. Despite the trials and troubles, I am glad that I am a Mormon. I plan on being a member for all of my life.

I say these things in the name of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen