I know it may be a little early to post for all of August yet, but I figure its close enough to the end of the month.
August has also been eventful, but in awesome ways!
The first week was pretty great! I was with a friend and two of her cousins the first part of the week and then went to the YSA conference. Which was awesome! Outside of it being way too hot! It was so great to get away for almost a week and have some fun.
Monday, the 6th, I was anticipating. I had my work recommend from my Bishop. I went down to Deseret Industries hoping to finally start working. I met with the hiring manager, he was nice. Had me come back later for an interview. I was praying so much! I really needed that job! I came back for the interview. When he asked me what my career goals are, I froze. I didn't really have any and I didn't know what to say. He told me that if they have a spot open up, he'd call me. I felt so bad! I was thinking that if they wouldn't hire me, even with the recommend, then I wouldn't stand a chance getting hired anywhere else.
Having the question posed to me of what my career goals are, really got me thinking. I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what I was going to do. Even what I wanted to do. I knew cosmetology was out. I prayed and school was brought up as an option. I started looking up online colleges. Still kind of unsure. I was thinking that I had always been interested in psychology. I sent requests to 3 different schools for more info. Walden called me first. Talking to her helped me with really thinking about psychology. Then Capella called me the next morning. She asked me questions that were more personal and actually seemed like she cared about what I want. It felt right talking to her about that school. Kaplan called me right after, he seemed very to the point and was all about getting me to enroll in the school and didn't really want to know anything about me.
After a lot of thinking and praying, I decided to apply for Capella University. The adviser sent me the entrance exams. I spent Monday, the 13th doing them. That Tuesday morning I got a call from her saying I had passed both exams first try. I was/am so excited!! I start September 10th!
On Thursday, the 16th, I got a call from the hiring manager asking me if I want to work. I was surprised, but happy. I immediately said yes. I started work on Monday, August 20th :-D I am so so so thankful!!!! I had just passed my 9 months of being unemployed on the 19th.
I learned a lesson about not missing a morning with reading/listening to the scriptures. One morning last week, I was sitting in my car before work. I went to listen to some of Mosiah. The app wasn't working right. I decided instead of reading the chapter, I would pass on it altogether. That was the wrong choice for me to make. As I was getting up to head inside, I lost my car keys inside my car. I know, sad right? Losing car keys in the car... I looked for them for 10 minutes and I couldn't find them. I was so upset. I went inside and couldn't get the combination lock off my locker for anything. I spent at least 5 minutes or so working with it and trying and trying again before it finally unlocked. I know my combination, it just wasn't happening. It was really frustrating. Then it got worse. I was picking up a scarf from the floor and put it on the table then a spider came crawling off it. It took all I had in me to not freak out openly. I was really really scared. Me and spiders do not mix well. I didn't want to go get someone in case it disappeared amongst the other stuff on the table. I took a bowl on the table and slammed it on top of the spider. Fortunately it was a little one, but all the same. I don't care if they are smaller than my fingernail or how ever big, they are scary and I don't like them. At break I went to my car in attempt to find my keys, I was having no luck. I stopped and prayed for help. Then I looked and sure enough they were underneath my seat. Later I was having trouble again with my combination lock. I stopped and prayed for help. Then I tried again and it came undone just fine. The rest of the day went alright. I found out later that night when I was saying my nightly prayers that my deliberate decision to not read scripture when I couldn't listen to it brought on the lesson. I'm not making that mistake again..
Hopefully things will keep going up from here!
I remember with the early part of this year and the bulk of this summer where its was just one thing going wrong after the other. It felt like the trials were never going to end. I still remember the prompting I got back in, I want to say May, that things would be getting worse before they get better. I was freaked out and I didn't understand. Things had finally come to a lull and I was happy with the break. When I got that, I was thinking, what else could there be? Now I know. I know that things are finally on their way up, slowly and steadily, but up all the same :)
"Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him." - James 1:12
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13
"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into many afflictions;
Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let
patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire,
wanting nothing." - James 1 2-4 (JST)
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Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
July 2012
July was quite a month. My patience and faith have definitely been tested.
As some of you may know, I was in another car accident with my mom on July 4th. It was worse than the previous two. I was preparing to turn left across 2 lanes. Very heavy traffic. A truck on the inside lane stopped. I couldn't see around the truck, I waited, they waived me to pass. I started to go and as I was crossing the outside lane, we were smashed into by a much larger truck. The passenger side of my car is partially crunched in.
Thankfully, my mom wasn't injured. Injuries sent me to the hospital twice. I went the night of the 5th because I couldn't move my neck or back. Then I had to go again that Saturday - I think, it might have been that Friday - because I was unable to walk. My neck, back, and left knee were sprained.
Upon inspection of my car, where we were hit, was in the best possible spot of the passenger side. The vehicle hit the frame. If I had been slower, the vehicle would've crashed into my dented wheel well, who knows what that would've done to my tire/axle. If I had been faster, the vehicle would've hit the passenger door head on. I don't like to think about the results that could've caused.
Although the car accident happened, and it sucked, He was still protecting my mom and I. He made it as light as I believe he reasonably could.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness" - Isaiah 41:10
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" - Isaiah 40:31
I found that out quite literately Thursday, July 5th. Part of the reason I was with my mom was there was some important stuff that she needed to be able to go do and I was taking her. After that accident the previous day, I was able to move around and walk while I was helping her. Once we were back at home and I was done, I was no longer able to move. A lot of times I would say, "I don't know how I was able to do that" and other variations. He made it happen. He lifted me up and made me move. I shouldn't have been able to walk or drive, move period. After, I wasn't able to. He is the only one who can make the not possible, possible. I needed to be able to help my mom so He willed it to happen.
After that I was not able to drive for about 2 weeks. I was not able to walk without the assistance of a back brace, left knee bandaged, and crutches for about 3 weeks.
I had three goals for July. One, to be able to walk on my own without any assistance by my birthday which was on July 28th. Two, I really wanted a birthday party. Three, I wanted to go to the Temple on my birthday.
I had been trying to plan a party for my birthday. It wasn't going all that well. When it was announced that there was an endowment session at 5pm that night. I was so bummed. One, because no one would be able to come, and two because I can't go to endowment sessions yet.
About mid-July I think it was, It was announced that there would be a 6am baptism session on July 28th. I was so excited! I was determined to go, bandaged or not. I was still very scared to drive. That morning I got up at 3-3:30am and got ready and left at 4:30am. I had estimated there would be traffic. There wasn't any. I got to the Temple at about 5:00am and hung outside for a bit. I hadn't been to the Temple without the sun being up in months. I still remember the awe, peace, and joy I felt. I didn't know the Temple would be open that early in the morning. I sat inside the preparation room for the remaining time. Jittery and bouncy, doing my best to be reverent. No one else showed up for the baptism session until 6:00am when another girl that shares her first name with me came. It was great to be able to help another family with names. I have all my female names done for now. It was great.
I had given up on having a party. Due to the car accidents on 6/17 and 7/4, I wasn't able to try and start work any sooner than August. It was hard to deal with, but something I had accepted. I had signed up to feed the missionaries on the 27th. I started to invite a few friends over to join in and have a small birthday dinner. The small birthday dinner turned into the birthday party I wanted. It was awesome and so much fun! I was so happy that it turned out.
I was really scared to drive. I had been hearing a lot of cracks about how I shouldn't drive on holidays because the 3 accidents on holidays. Too many people seemed to act like what was happening to me was some sort of joke. That me being injured was too regular of an occurrence and that it was my doing. I can't remember who all it was. It got real old, real fast. The first part of this year was really rough. Anyway, I just wanted to say that in case anyone who reads this is one of the ones who made fun at my expense.
I decided to test how I'd be able to get along with the crutches and bandages out in public. A friend of mine picked me up for outreach on Thursday, July 19th. I got around alright. I settled that I'd be able to get around like that on my birthday if all else fails.
My first time driving after the beginning of the month, was kind of nerve racking. It was on Saturday the 21st. I wanted to test myself. I drove to Target without any bandages, crutches, etc and brought my brother with me in case my neck locked up. I did alright driving, walking wasn't happening yet. That was a move forward and a setback in one.
On Thursday, July 26th, was my first time outside without crutches. I was able to get around alright with just my knee bandaged and my back brace on. I felt like that was a real accomplishment.
That Friday, the night of my party, because I was just outside my apartment complex, I decided that I would try and go outside without any braces or bandages. I moved around just fine. I was so happy!
Then the day of, July 28 I was able to walk, move around, drive. Everything was normal. I wasn't in any pain. Again, something I had given up on being able to do. Then when it came down to it, I was able to.
Something I find interesting is, I hadn't prayed for help with any of my goals. I don't know why I didn't. Not really anyway. I guess I had given up hope on them enough to not bother to ask. It goes to show, to prove that He loves us so much! That He cares about us. That what we care about and want, He cares about as well. I had heard about it, but I guess never really put much into it.
I kind of want to end this entry with is never give up hope. Never give up on faith. A little faith goes a long way. I've learned so much, I've grown so much in these months of trials. My knowledge of Him is greater. My faith in Him is so much stronger. It wasn't real weak to begin with, but its much stronger now. I am more patient. Or at least I try to be. Its a struggle and an ever work in progress, but its getting there.
He knows what is best. We don't. The sooner that we can give it up and follow along and not try to do it all on our own, the sooner He can be there, help us, and bless us.
As some of you may know, I was in another car accident with my mom on July 4th. It was worse than the previous two. I was preparing to turn left across 2 lanes. Very heavy traffic. A truck on the inside lane stopped. I couldn't see around the truck, I waited, they waived me to pass. I started to go and as I was crossing the outside lane, we were smashed into by a much larger truck. The passenger side of my car is partially crunched in.
Thankfully, my mom wasn't injured. Injuries sent me to the hospital twice. I went the night of the 5th because I couldn't move my neck or back. Then I had to go again that Saturday - I think, it might have been that Friday - because I was unable to walk. My neck, back, and left knee were sprained.
Upon inspection of my car, where we were hit, was in the best possible spot of the passenger side. The vehicle hit the frame. If I had been slower, the vehicle would've crashed into my dented wheel well, who knows what that would've done to my tire/axle. If I had been faster, the vehicle would've hit the passenger door head on. I don't like to think about the results that could've caused.
Although the car accident happened, and it sucked, He was still protecting my mom and I. He made it as light as I believe he reasonably could.
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness" - Isaiah 41:10
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" - Isaiah 40:31
I found that out quite literately Thursday, July 5th. Part of the reason I was with my mom was there was some important stuff that she needed to be able to go do and I was taking her. After that accident the previous day, I was able to move around and walk while I was helping her. Once we were back at home and I was done, I was no longer able to move. A lot of times I would say, "I don't know how I was able to do that" and other variations. He made it happen. He lifted me up and made me move. I shouldn't have been able to walk or drive, move period. After, I wasn't able to. He is the only one who can make the not possible, possible. I needed to be able to help my mom so He willed it to happen.
After that I was not able to drive for about 2 weeks. I was not able to walk without the assistance of a back brace, left knee bandaged, and crutches for about 3 weeks.
I had three goals for July. One, to be able to walk on my own without any assistance by my birthday which was on July 28th. Two, I really wanted a birthday party. Three, I wanted to go to the Temple on my birthday.
I had been trying to plan a party for my birthday. It wasn't going all that well. When it was announced that there was an endowment session at 5pm that night. I was so bummed. One, because no one would be able to come, and two because I can't go to endowment sessions yet.
About mid-July I think it was, It was announced that there would be a 6am baptism session on July 28th. I was so excited! I was determined to go, bandaged or not. I was still very scared to drive. That morning I got up at 3-3:30am and got ready and left at 4:30am. I had estimated there would be traffic. There wasn't any. I got to the Temple at about 5:00am and hung outside for a bit. I hadn't been to the Temple without the sun being up in months. I still remember the awe, peace, and joy I felt. I didn't know the Temple would be open that early in the morning. I sat inside the preparation room for the remaining time. Jittery and bouncy, doing my best to be reverent. No one else showed up for the baptism session until 6:00am when another girl that shares her first name with me came. It was great to be able to help another family with names. I have all my female names done for now. It was great.
I had given up on having a party. Due to the car accidents on 6/17 and 7/4, I wasn't able to try and start work any sooner than August. It was hard to deal with, but something I had accepted. I had signed up to feed the missionaries on the 27th. I started to invite a few friends over to join in and have a small birthday dinner. The small birthday dinner turned into the birthday party I wanted. It was awesome and so much fun! I was so happy that it turned out.
I was really scared to drive. I had been hearing a lot of cracks about how I shouldn't drive on holidays because the 3 accidents on holidays. Too many people seemed to act like what was happening to me was some sort of joke. That me being injured was too regular of an occurrence and that it was my doing. I can't remember who all it was. It got real old, real fast. The first part of this year was really rough. Anyway, I just wanted to say that in case anyone who reads this is one of the ones who made fun at my expense.
I decided to test how I'd be able to get along with the crutches and bandages out in public. A friend of mine picked me up for outreach on Thursday, July 19th. I got around alright. I settled that I'd be able to get around like that on my birthday if all else fails.
My first time driving after the beginning of the month, was kind of nerve racking. It was on Saturday the 21st. I wanted to test myself. I drove to Target without any bandages, crutches, etc and brought my brother with me in case my neck locked up. I did alright driving, walking wasn't happening yet. That was a move forward and a setback in one.
On Thursday, July 26th, was my first time outside without crutches. I was able to get around alright with just my knee bandaged and my back brace on. I felt like that was a real accomplishment.
That Friday, the night of my party, because I was just outside my apartment complex, I decided that I would try and go outside without any braces or bandages. I moved around just fine. I was so happy!
Then the day of, July 28 I was able to walk, move around, drive. Everything was normal. I wasn't in any pain. Again, something I had given up on being able to do. Then when it came down to it, I was able to.
Something I find interesting is, I hadn't prayed for help with any of my goals. I don't know why I didn't. Not really anyway. I guess I had given up hope on them enough to not bother to ask. It goes to show, to prove that He loves us so much! That He cares about us. That what we care about and want, He cares about as well. I had heard about it, but I guess never really put much into it.
I kind of want to end this entry with is never give up hope. Never give up on faith. A little faith goes a long way. I've learned so much, I've grown so much in these months of trials. My knowledge of Him is greater. My faith in Him is so much stronger. It wasn't real weak to begin with, but its much stronger now. I am more patient. Or at least I try to be. Its a struggle and an ever work in progress, but its getting there.
He knows what is best. We don't. The sooner that we can give it up and follow along and not try to do it all on our own, the sooner He can be there, help us, and bless us.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
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Monday, June 25, 2012
Perspective
I often hear people complain that they have to go to work, that they have to fulfill their callings, have to deal with responsibilities, have to this, and have to that. I wonder what would happen if have to's were changed to get to's. Get to go to work, get to fulfill callings, get to deal with responsibilities, get to this, and get to that. Be more thankful. Be thankful that you have a job to go to. Be thankful that you have callings to fulfill. Be thankful that you have responsibilities. Be thankful for this and that. I think that having a thankful positive outlook of things rather than having a resentful negative outlook of things would help a lot.
Praying for Protection
As some of you may already know, on Sunday, June 17th, I was in a car accident. I was driving to church. I was going straight when a car turning right cut across all 3 lanes into the lane I was going into. I slammed on my brakes, but it wasn't enough. Our cars hit. My car, thankfully isn't harmed much. The other car didn't have any damage. I am dealing with physical damage to my neck and back.
I pray for protection and for protection while in transit every morning when I get up, every night before I go to bed, and usually before I leave to go somewhere. So then the question naturally arises, why did this happen?
I was thinking back to the car accident I was in on New Years Eve. How I reacted after it. I remember after I had kind of gone into a self-pity thing of why did this happen to me, its not fair, etc. Then I kind of started to fall away. I was still active in church meetings and activities, but my heart wasn't in it. I was doing it because I knew I was supposed to.
I've been careful not to get into that mode again. I didn't like the outcome of it. Plus the building back up spiritually hasn't been easy and I don't want to have to go through it again. I want to be up and stay up.
Unlike the accident in January which was meant as a learning experience, I don't believe this one is. It was an unfortunate event. I had had a rough weekend and it was kind of the last thing I needed. I was planning on turning in my referral for work that Monday. That Friday night, losing track of an investigator I invited to a small party with me and 2 other friends at a park. The girl left without saying anything and then me and my 2 other friends were out til 12:45am looking for her to find her at home. That Saturday night, agreeing to go to a movie with a friend and we left the movie early because it was extremely inappropriate. We didn't know of the full content of the film. Then Sunday morning, on my way to church, to take part of the sacrament and have an end to a bad week and restart. The accident happened.
I realize that He did protect me. The accident wasn't as bad as it easily could have been. Between the two parties, only I am injured. The injuries sustained could have been much worse. Its keeping that in check and not falling into the natural man way of thinking. Keep doing scripture study, keep praying, keep going to church. Stay strong in faith.
I know everything will be alright :-)
I pray for protection and for protection while in transit every morning when I get up, every night before I go to bed, and usually before I leave to go somewhere. So then the question naturally arises, why did this happen?
I was thinking back to the car accident I was in on New Years Eve. How I reacted after it. I remember after I had kind of gone into a self-pity thing of why did this happen to me, its not fair, etc. Then I kind of started to fall away. I was still active in church meetings and activities, but my heart wasn't in it. I was doing it because I knew I was supposed to.
I've been careful not to get into that mode again. I didn't like the outcome of it. Plus the building back up spiritually hasn't been easy and I don't want to have to go through it again. I want to be up and stay up.
Unlike the accident in January which was meant as a learning experience, I don't believe this one is. It was an unfortunate event. I had had a rough weekend and it was kind of the last thing I needed. I was planning on turning in my referral for work that Monday. That Friday night, losing track of an investigator I invited to a small party with me and 2 other friends at a park. The girl left without saying anything and then me and my 2 other friends were out til 12:45am looking for her to find her at home. That Saturday night, agreeing to go to a movie with a friend and we left the movie early because it was extremely inappropriate. We didn't know of the full content of the film. Then Sunday morning, on my way to church, to take part of the sacrament and have an end to a bad week and restart. The accident happened.
I realize that He did protect me. The accident wasn't as bad as it easily could have been. Between the two parties, only I am injured. The injuries sustained could have been much worse. Its keeping that in check and not falling into the natural man way of thinking. Keep doing scripture study, keep praying, keep going to church. Stay strong in faith.
I know everything will be alright :-)
Friday, May 25, 2012
One Year Later
I keep thinking about a flower. Starts off as this small little bud with potential. Once it receives light and water, it can bloom into a beautiful flower. If the bud doesn't receive what it needs, if it's in a dark area and either isn't watered or doesn't get enough rain, the bud withers away. Fortunately, if the bud starts off with soil that it can't grow in, it can be transplanted into nutrient rich soil. Then it can live and flourish. That's kind of like people. If we stay in the darkness and don't get what we need then we can wither away too. If we accept God the Father and Jesus Christ into our lives, then we can be bathed in the light and sins can be washed away through baptism to start off with and the atonement. We can be transplanted out of a bad situation we may have started off with and go into a situation that we can live and thrive. We have a choice, unlike the bud which if starts off bad depends on someone else to move it, we can choose to live in His light and not be subject to the darkness of the adversary. But its exactly that, a choice. We can't wait on someone else to move us. We can/do get help with the process from friends, family, and missionaries. It starts off with a want and a willingness to change and be a better you. Change can be hard, but if its to improve your life, then its worth it.
Everything starts off with a choice. The wonderful gift of agency we are each given.
Thinking back to my conversion, when I'm asked about it, I gloss over the details and start off with that Monday morning, May 2, 2011 when I got the prompting. When giving it to an investigator, or whoever I'm meeting with, with missionaries, they don't need to know the details, just the main points. So that's what I give. Now I'm giving details, still kind of glossed, don't need all the gory details, but this is more in depth. If you've read the first testimony I posted on this blog, then you'll probably know what I'm talking about.
My conversion story starts before May 2, 2011. In the latter part of 2010 and early 2011, I was making a lot of bad choices. Seriously, one mistake after the other, snowballing.. I just didn't stop.. the pull to continue what I was up to was stronger. I remember after each mistake, I knew what I was doing was wrong. Thoughts would come to me, saying things like, you don't need to do this, you're better than the choices you make, this can't keep going on, value yourself, have some respect for yourself, please stop, etc. I would feel guilt and regret. Sometimes agree with those thoughts. But once the opportunity presented itself and I had to make a choice, thoughts would come to mind of, you're not doing anything wrong, how you act is normal, make it easy and just go with it, etc. Those were easier for me to listen to that the chastisements. So I'd go off, make another mistake, after there'd be a light buzz and then a lot of guilt.
That cycle repeated more times than I can count. Slowly and gradually, the thoughts telling me to stop felt stronger than the ones telling me to keep it up. It became harder to do the wrong thing. In the beginning of April, things came to a head. I had kind of a big decision to make. I knew that if I chose to go with it, I would have a lot to regret. I didn't want to make another bad choice. It was getting too hard and I felt worse and worse about myself. I didn't like who I was or who I had become. It was getting harder to look at myself in the mirror each morning without some disgust. Words would come to mind, of a promise I made myself when I was younger. I was going exactly against what I had always told myself. Then it was time to make a choice. I felt like there were two forces in my head at war and I couldn't deal with it. So, instead of going with what I knew, I went with what was easy. The bad choice.
When I came home the next morning, I felt really overwhelmed. I couldn't believe what I had done. I was so ashamed. That was it, I couldn't do it anymore. I made a choice to stop. It was so draining making the bad choices over and over and over. It didn't feel like the war in my head was done, but it was close. I told my myself no more. I would finally listen to and abide by the thoughts telling me to respect and value myself. It was a major decision for me to make. I still felt kind of at a loss.. I couldn't undo what I had done. I had a lot of guilt and regret. When I decided to stop and change I felt stronger and felt good. I knew I was making the right decision for once. The hard part was that I kept wishing that I could start over. Have a fresh start. It was the one thing that I wanted more than anything.
The next night, opportunity to be bad presented itself. I felt uneasy. There was still a pull to do it. What I told myself the previous day came back to me. Of, no more, I'm stopping. I told the person, No. There was a fight so I broke it off and reaffirmed no. I'm not going to make that bad decision again. It felt good to say no. I felt empowered. I knew I was making the right decision. Then the weirdest thing happened... The person, in attempts to convince me otherwise, started to try and remind me of the events that had taken place. I could remember that the basic event had taken place, but of everything else, my mind was a complete blank. It felt weird to not remember. It made the person mad, but I didn't care. Still now, I know of the events leading up to it and that it happened, but of anything else - nothing. Its kind of nice. I don't feel like I'm missing out by not being able to remember.
A couple weeks later I was on a dating site perusing the options. I started talking to this one guy, he seemed ok.. he told me he was Mormon. I didn't know what it meant. He talked about it a little. Mostly bashing. I can't remember exactly what he said, but I remember him complaining about there being a lot of rules and how he's not considered worthy of holding the priesthood, etc. I listened, didn't understand what he meant. I didn't care. I remember thinking he was kind of peculiar. I remember he would get on me for not being a part of any religion which rubbed me the wrong way. It reminded me of high school where I made enemies because of not affiliating with any specific group. We went out once, but obviously it didn't go anywhere.
On Monday, May 2nd, I was at work and I heard a voice in my head tell me to go to mormon.org, fill out a missionary request, and find out more. I still didn't really know anything about it. It didn't make any sense. I told my mom and she sent me the website and different information she found online. I was advised against it... I heard the voice a second time and recognized it as the same one that had been trying to pull me out of the bad cycle I had been in. I reasoned that my life at that point couldn't get any worse. I was already as low as I could get. There was no where to go but up. I had already started to build that ladder.. I figured, what have I got to lose? I went on the website and filled out the request. After, I felt warm and happy. I had made the right choice.
A couple of days later, May 4th, I heard from an online set of missionaries. We talked over email and on the phone a bit. I remember I was at Fred Meyer when they called me. They tried to teach me how to pray. I remember I was trying to be really quiet because I was in a store full of people.
That Friday, May 6th, I was at work when my roommate texted me saying that missionaries just came by. I felt so bad. It was raining heavily that day. I didn't know at that time that missionaries had cars. I thought they had walked there and had been standing outside waiting for me. I felt like that was my chance and I missed it. I was in a sad mood all the rest of the day. Then at 7:55pm I think, my roommate got a call (there is a call box outside the apartment building and his is the phone programmed in) from the missionaries asking if they could come up for the lesson. I was shocked. I immediately said yes. Then I looked at my apartment.. it was a disaster area and I wished I had told him to say no.. but I was just so happy that they came back and that my chance wasn't lost. At 8:00pm they came to the door and I let them in. We had the first lesson, they gave me the Book Of Mormon, and I felt confirmation that this is right.
As the lessons progressed, I knew I had made the correct decision. It felt so good. I knew what they were telling me was true. I knew that the Book Of Mormon was true. It was just the most amazing thing. Then they brought up baptism. That's when hesitation started. I wasn't comfortable with going in the water and I was pretty sure that neither of them could dip me in or bring me back out. Then I was told that with baptism all of my sins would be forgiven, He would remember them no more. I would have a new chance at life. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I had longed and wished so much. So so much for that. I was in.
Everything happened so fast. There were 2-3 lessons per week. On May 15, I first went to church. I was really nervous. I didn't know anybody but one member and the missionaries. I remember I was invited to view a baptism that night. Instead I took my roommate to the Rammstein concert. That kinda makes me laugh. I don't go to concerts anymore and love going to baptisms.
On May 22, I was baptized. That was easily the best day of my life to date. I was so nervous, jumpy, and excited. I still had nerves about whether or not the Elder could bring me in and out of the water. I put a lot of faith into him. I remember meeting him in the center of the font. My hand near my nose in preparation to hold it. I started laughing when he said my name - I have a long name. I was in and out in matter of seconds. I remember I came out laughing. Didn't stop laughing for some time. I remember I was back in the changing area just jumping, laughing, and exclaiming that I couldn't believe I had done it. A few of my friends came and checked on me a few times. I must have been back there for almost 30 minutes. It was just so so awesome. I can't properly put into words how it feels. I could physically feel my sins being washed away. I was so light and new. I'll never forget it.
The picture below is a drawing I did of what I remember seeing right before I went in the water.
Once I decided to change, then God has been the catalyst in my transformation. Change was fast at first. I hadn't even realized how much I had until one of the Elders told me.
The first few months were great. There was a spiritual surge. I felt the Spirit with me all the time. It saved my life a few times. It was startling. There was a nagging in my mind. Of what I had done to/with the person I was with prior to the change. Not the member, the one prior. I was struggling with it one night during the summer. I heard the Spirit tell me that He has forgiven me, sometimes the hardest to forgive is yourself. I decided I would apologize to him. I was nervous to, but it felt important. I found him on Facebook and wrote to him. I admitted my wrongs, apologized, asked for forgiveness, and sent the message. I felt relief. For a while anyway. Sometimes it would still bother me. I didn't know what else I could do. I had done my part. A few months later, he called me. I was really surprised. He hadn't ever written back to me. We talked and I apologized to him. He accepted my apology and assured me he wasn't mad. At that point I felt all that weight lift off me. It was gone. I no longer feel bad. It's fantastic!
A blessing that took place when I was baptized is, I was healed. About a year prior I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 with psychosis. The psychiatrist wanted to admit me to a program called dialectal behavior therapy (DBT), weekly psych appointments, and get me on medications immediately. I remember when she told me that I wouldn't be able to be by myself ever. I'd always have to have someone with me. I remember when she told me that I'd live it for the rest of my life. I was really scared. It was a bad time for me. I remember that I already felt like I was losing my mind. Then I'd have to deal with all of that. I refused to accept it. I refused it all. I used my work as an excuse to get out of the appointments and the therapy. I would not take any medication. I had really bad experiences with meds previously. The doctors didn't like me for it. I didn't care. I was determined to try and take over my own life and my own mind. I was somewhat successful, but there were times I lost control. After I was baptized, in the coming days I felt so much better. A few months in I realized that I was no longer dealing with the symptoms. The mood swings, psychotic episodes, all of it was gone. I felt, normal. I couldn't remember a time I had felt normal. I am so so so thankful that He healed me of my mental illnesses. I can't begin to describe how thankful I am.
I've gained a love for family history work. In September, I started doing family research. Through a lot of work, I've found many generations. Its been great. The most rewarding part of that has been finding living members of my family. I've found mostly cousins and an aunt. Its been fantastic. Especially when I can communicate with them. One of the cousins I found, is a dentist. Who happens to work in Everett. I needed a dentist. I started going to him and that's been great. I hated going to the dentist as a child. Now though, I see it as a chance to get to know him. Its been a lot of fun. I gained contact with my sister. Its been very slow and gradual with her. Its just great to have contact. I love family!
In September was also my first trip to the Temple. That was really great and I love going so much. Its such a beautiful building. I love it that we have sacred lands and buildings that we, if worthy, have the privilege of attending. Its my goal to one day hold a permanent recommend. I currently hold a temporary recommend. I've got more work to do, but it will be worth it.
I was doing really well. I was working, going to church, reading the scriptures, praying regularly, etc.
That lasted until mid-December. I lost my job. There's been a cycle of injury and illness starting with new years eve. I had stopped reading the scriptures. I had stopped praying. I can't remember why I stopped, I just did. It didn't feel like a priority. There's still been good things happening. Such as, I've been able to participate in our Outreach program, I've made some amazing friends. I've been getting a lot of help from the church which I am thankful for. I obtained my patriarchal blessing. All I have to say about that is that I am looking forward to my life so much more now that I have that.
I learned another lesson about forgiveness. In January, there was a woman at church who made me really angry. There was stuff she was doing and saying about me. I'm not going to go into details, but I felt very disrespected. In my opinion, at the time, she did stuff that went beyond me being able to forgive. I felt justified in my anger. I decided I was going to text her and tell her that I was done with her. She texted me back very confused. Insisting that she didn't know what she had done to upset me, but that she was sorry. I didn't believe her. I was sure that she knew exactly what she had done. A few weeks later I was out with friends. We were talking and I was telling them about what had happened. I still felt justified in my anger. When I got home that night, I felt kind of bad. Like, did I really just say to them what I thought I did? Was I actually proud of being angry? I got a message from the Spirit telling me that He has forgiven her, so why don't I. I was tossed up. I felt kind of stupid to be honest. That Sunday there was a lesson about forgiveness. I realized I was the one in the wrong. She had tried to apologize and I rejected it. I felt that I needed to apologize. Whenever I saw her that morning, I would head towards her, but then other people would surround her and I backed off. After church that day, I had just received a blessing for health. I was dealing with pain from the car accident I was in on New Years Eve and my ankle was busted from a separate accident. I was heading to choir when I saw her in the hallway. I approached her and apologized. She accepted my apology and forgave me. I felt so much better. Then later that day I met with the Bishop and he called me to be a ward missionary. I feel like its connected. If I hadn't stopped and realized I was the one in the wrong, if I hadn't made it right, I don't believe I still would have been called.
I was at institute one night and our instructor was sharing a personal story. The moral of it was that she hadn't stopped to ask for help with her trials. That struck me. I realized that through the trials I've been dealing with, I hadn't once stopped and prayed and asked for help. It seems so simple, yet its so major at the same time. There kept on being lessons about prayer, reading the scriptures, how important it is. Simple, yet important and essential. Later on, I realized that I couldn't feel the Spirit anymore. That scared me so much. It didn't hit me until later that I had needed those lessons. Those warnings. It hadn't occurred to me that He was trying to help me and tell me what I needed to do. I wasn't listening. The problems in my life were self-caused. If I hadn't stopped reading the scriptures and praying, then its possible that all the trials I had been going through may not have happened. At least would have been lighter. I started thinking, what can I do? I had lost one of my phones which I had been using to read the scriptures. I went onto lds.org and realized that I can read or listen to them on there. As well as listen to conference talks. I prayed and repented, promising I would go back to doing what I was supposed to.
Ever since, I pray at least twice a day, listen to the scriptures regularly - I shoot for everyday, and often listen to conference talks. Slowly and gradually things started to get better. I started feeling the Spirit again, which was a huge relief. It was a sign to me that I'm on the right track. That was about a month or two ago I think. I haven't been injured since, which is really great because it had been constant for the first few months of the year. I haven't been sick as often. I'm still unemployed, which I'm praying will end soon. I haven't worked in a little over 6 months. While its been cool to be home, participate in a lot of the missionary opportunities, and go to any of the singles ward activities I want, I really want/need to be working.
I know that if I exercise my faith, pray, read the scriptures, go to church, and fulfill my calling, things will be alright. This last year has been a wild ride. I know I still have changes to make that I am working on. I have changed so much. When I look back to who I was to who I am now, I don't even recognize the old me. I'm glad for that, I like who I am and who I am becoming. I am thankful for my choice to change and to be baptized. I am looking forward to see what the next year will bring. I am forever thankful that I joined the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints.
I testify that the church is true. Joseph Smith Jr was the Prophet. That he was visited by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the Sacred Grove in 1820. That he translated the Book Of Mormon from the golden plates. That the Book Of Mormon is true. That Heavenly Father exists. That we are all His children. That Jesus Christ lives. That He was sacrificed to bring forth the atonement. That we may be saved if we take upon His name and live according to the commandments. That they love us more than we can ever fully understand. That we have a modern day living prophet and apostles to guide us through these latter days. That President Thomas S Monson is the current prophet, seer, and revelator. That this Is the One True Church.
In His Holy name, the Lord Jesus Christ,
Amen.
Everything starts off with a choice. The wonderful gift of agency we are each given.
Thinking back to my conversion, when I'm asked about it, I gloss over the details and start off with that Monday morning, May 2, 2011 when I got the prompting. When giving it to an investigator, or whoever I'm meeting with, with missionaries, they don't need to know the details, just the main points. So that's what I give. Now I'm giving details, still kind of glossed, don't need all the gory details, but this is more in depth. If you've read the first testimony I posted on this blog, then you'll probably know what I'm talking about.
My conversion story starts before May 2, 2011. In the latter part of 2010 and early 2011, I was making a lot of bad choices. Seriously, one mistake after the other, snowballing.. I just didn't stop.. the pull to continue what I was up to was stronger. I remember after each mistake, I knew what I was doing was wrong. Thoughts would come to me, saying things like, you don't need to do this, you're better than the choices you make, this can't keep going on, value yourself, have some respect for yourself, please stop, etc. I would feel guilt and regret. Sometimes agree with those thoughts. But once the opportunity presented itself and I had to make a choice, thoughts would come to mind of, you're not doing anything wrong, how you act is normal, make it easy and just go with it, etc. Those were easier for me to listen to that the chastisements. So I'd go off, make another mistake, after there'd be a light buzz and then a lot of guilt.
That cycle repeated more times than I can count. Slowly and gradually, the thoughts telling me to stop felt stronger than the ones telling me to keep it up. It became harder to do the wrong thing. In the beginning of April, things came to a head. I had kind of a big decision to make. I knew that if I chose to go with it, I would have a lot to regret. I didn't want to make another bad choice. It was getting too hard and I felt worse and worse about myself. I didn't like who I was or who I had become. It was getting harder to look at myself in the mirror each morning without some disgust. Words would come to mind, of a promise I made myself when I was younger. I was going exactly against what I had always told myself. Then it was time to make a choice. I felt like there were two forces in my head at war and I couldn't deal with it. So, instead of going with what I knew, I went with what was easy. The bad choice.
When I came home the next morning, I felt really overwhelmed. I couldn't believe what I had done. I was so ashamed. That was it, I couldn't do it anymore. I made a choice to stop. It was so draining making the bad choices over and over and over. It didn't feel like the war in my head was done, but it was close. I told my myself no more. I would finally listen to and abide by the thoughts telling me to respect and value myself. It was a major decision for me to make. I still felt kind of at a loss.. I couldn't undo what I had done. I had a lot of guilt and regret. When I decided to stop and change I felt stronger and felt good. I knew I was making the right decision for once. The hard part was that I kept wishing that I could start over. Have a fresh start. It was the one thing that I wanted more than anything.
The next night, opportunity to be bad presented itself. I felt uneasy. There was still a pull to do it. What I told myself the previous day came back to me. Of, no more, I'm stopping. I told the person, No. There was a fight so I broke it off and reaffirmed no. I'm not going to make that bad decision again. It felt good to say no. I felt empowered. I knew I was making the right decision. Then the weirdest thing happened... The person, in attempts to convince me otherwise, started to try and remind me of the events that had taken place. I could remember that the basic event had taken place, but of everything else, my mind was a complete blank. It felt weird to not remember. It made the person mad, but I didn't care. Still now, I know of the events leading up to it and that it happened, but of anything else - nothing. Its kind of nice. I don't feel like I'm missing out by not being able to remember.
A couple weeks later I was on a dating site perusing the options. I started talking to this one guy, he seemed ok.. he told me he was Mormon. I didn't know what it meant. He talked about it a little. Mostly bashing. I can't remember exactly what he said, but I remember him complaining about there being a lot of rules and how he's not considered worthy of holding the priesthood, etc. I listened, didn't understand what he meant. I didn't care. I remember thinking he was kind of peculiar. I remember he would get on me for not being a part of any religion which rubbed me the wrong way. It reminded me of high school where I made enemies because of not affiliating with any specific group. We went out once, but obviously it didn't go anywhere.
On Monday, May 2nd, I was at work and I heard a voice in my head tell me to go to mormon.org, fill out a missionary request, and find out more. I still didn't really know anything about it. It didn't make any sense. I told my mom and she sent me the website and different information she found online. I was advised against it... I heard the voice a second time and recognized it as the same one that had been trying to pull me out of the bad cycle I had been in. I reasoned that my life at that point couldn't get any worse. I was already as low as I could get. There was no where to go but up. I had already started to build that ladder.. I figured, what have I got to lose? I went on the website and filled out the request. After, I felt warm and happy. I had made the right choice.
A couple of days later, May 4th, I heard from an online set of missionaries. We talked over email and on the phone a bit. I remember I was at Fred Meyer when they called me. They tried to teach me how to pray. I remember I was trying to be really quiet because I was in a store full of people.
That Friday, May 6th, I was at work when my roommate texted me saying that missionaries just came by. I felt so bad. It was raining heavily that day. I didn't know at that time that missionaries had cars. I thought they had walked there and had been standing outside waiting for me. I felt like that was my chance and I missed it. I was in a sad mood all the rest of the day. Then at 7:55pm I think, my roommate got a call (there is a call box outside the apartment building and his is the phone programmed in) from the missionaries asking if they could come up for the lesson. I was shocked. I immediately said yes. Then I looked at my apartment.. it was a disaster area and I wished I had told him to say no.. but I was just so happy that they came back and that my chance wasn't lost. At 8:00pm they came to the door and I let them in. We had the first lesson, they gave me the Book Of Mormon, and I felt confirmation that this is right.
As the lessons progressed, I knew I had made the correct decision. It felt so good. I knew what they were telling me was true. I knew that the Book Of Mormon was true. It was just the most amazing thing. Then they brought up baptism. That's when hesitation started. I wasn't comfortable with going in the water and I was pretty sure that neither of them could dip me in or bring me back out. Then I was told that with baptism all of my sins would be forgiven, He would remember them no more. I would have a new chance at life. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I had longed and wished so much. So so much for that. I was in.
Everything happened so fast. There were 2-3 lessons per week. On May 15, I first went to church. I was really nervous. I didn't know anybody but one member and the missionaries. I remember I was invited to view a baptism that night. Instead I took my roommate to the Rammstein concert. That kinda makes me laugh. I don't go to concerts anymore and love going to baptisms.
On May 22, I was baptized. That was easily the best day of my life to date. I was so nervous, jumpy, and excited. I still had nerves about whether or not the Elder could bring me in and out of the water. I put a lot of faith into him. I remember meeting him in the center of the font. My hand near my nose in preparation to hold it. I started laughing when he said my name - I have a long name. I was in and out in matter of seconds. I remember I came out laughing. Didn't stop laughing for some time. I remember I was back in the changing area just jumping, laughing, and exclaiming that I couldn't believe I had done it. A few of my friends came and checked on me a few times. I must have been back there for almost 30 minutes. It was just so so awesome. I can't properly put into words how it feels. I could physically feel my sins being washed away. I was so light and new. I'll never forget it.
The picture below is a drawing I did of what I remember seeing right before I went in the water.
Once I decided to change, then God has been the catalyst in my transformation. Change was fast at first. I hadn't even realized how much I had until one of the Elders told me.
The first few months were great. There was a spiritual surge. I felt the Spirit with me all the time. It saved my life a few times. It was startling. There was a nagging in my mind. Of what I had done to/with the person I was with prior to the change. Not the member, the one prior. I was struggling with it one night during the summer. I heard the Spirit tell me that He has forgiven me, sometimes the hardest to forgive is yourself. I decided I would apologize to him. I was nervous to, but it felt important. I found him on Facebook and wrote to him. I admitted my wrongs, apologized, asked for forgiveness, and sent the message. I felt relief. For a while anyway. Sometimes it would still bother me. I didn't know what else I could do. I had done my part. A few months later, he called me. I was really surprised. He hadn't ever written back to me. We talked and I apologized to him. He accepted my apology and assured me he wasn't mad. At that point I felt all that weight lift off me. It was gone. I no longer feel bad. It's fantastic!
A blessing that took place when I was baptized is, I was healed. About a year prior I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 with psychosis. The psychiatrist wanted to admit me to a program called dialectal behavior therapy (DBT), weekly psych appointments, and get me on medications immediately. I remember when she told me that I wouldn't be able to be by myself ever. I'd always have to have someone with me. I remember when she told me that I'd live it for the rest of my life. I was really scared. It was a bad time for me. I remember that I already felt like I was losing my mind. Then I'd have to deal with all of that. I refused to accept it. I refused it all. I used my work as an excuse to get out of the appointments and the therapy. I would not take any medication. I had really bad experiences with meds previously. The doctors didn't like me for it. I didn't care. I was determined to try and take over my own life and my own mind. I was somewhat successful, but there were times I lost control. After I was baptized, in the coming days I felt so much better. A few months in I realized that I was no longer dealing with the symptoms. The mood swings, psychotic episodes, all of it was gone. I felt, normal. I couldn't remember a time I had felt normal. I am so so so thankful that He healed me of my mental illnesses. I can't begin to describe how thankful I am.
I've gained a love for family history work. In September, I started doing family research. Through a lot of work, I've found many generations. Its been great. The most rewarding part of that has been finding living members of my family. I've found mostly cousins and an aunt. Its been fantastic. Especially when I can communicate with them. One of the cousins I found, is a dentist. Who happens to work in Everett. I needed a dentist. I started going to him and that's been great. I hated going to the dentist as a child. Now though, I see it as a chance to get to know him. Its been a lot of fun. I gained contact with my sister. Its been very slow and gradual with her. Its just great to have contact. I love family!
In September was also my first trip to the Temple. That was really great and I love going so much. Its such a beautiful building. I love it that we have sacred lands and buildings that we, if worthy, have the privilege of attending. Its my goal to one day hold a permanent recommend. I currently hold a temporary recommend. I've got more work to do, but it will be worth it.
I was doing really well. I was working, going to church, reading the scriptures, praying regularly, etc.
That lasted until mid-December. I lost my job. There's been a cycle of injury and illness starting with new years eve. I had stopped reading the scriptures. I had stopped praying. I can't remember why I stopped, I just did. It didn't feel like a priority. There's still been good things happening. Such as, I've been able to participate in our Outreach program, I've made some amazing friends. I've been getting a lot of help from the church which I am thankful for. I obtained my patriarchal blessing. All I have to say about that is that I am looking forward to my life so much more now that I have that.
I learned another lesson about forgiveness. In January, there was a woman at church who made me really angry. There was stuff she was doing and saying about me. I'm not going to go into details, but I felt very disrespected. In my opinion, at the time, she did stuff that went beyond me being able to forgive. I felt justified in my anger. I decided I was going to text her and tell her that I was done with her. She texted me back very confused. Insisting that she didn't know what she had done to upset me, but that she was sorry. I didn't believe her. I was sure that she knew exactly what she had done. A few weeks later I was out with friends. We were talking and I was telling them about what had happened. I still felt justified in my anger. When I got home that night, I felt kind of bad. Like, did I really just say to them what I thought I did? Was I actually proud of being angry? I got a message from the Spirit telling me that He has forgiven her, so why don't I. I was tossed up. I felt kind of stupid to be honest. That Sunday there was a lesson about forgiveness. I realized I was the one in the wrong. She had tried to apologize and I rejected it. I felt that I needed to apologize. Whenever I saw her that morning, I would head towards her, but then other people would surround her and I backed off. After church that day, I had just received a blessing for health. I was dealing with pain from the car accident I was in on New Years Eve and my ankle was busted from a separate accident. I was heading to choir when I saw her in the hallway. I approached her and apologized. She accepted my apology and forgave me. I felt so much better. Then later that day I met with the Bishop and he called me to be a ward missionary. I feel like its connected. If I hadn't stopped and realized I was the one in the wrong, if I hadn't made it right, I don't believe I still would have been called.
I was at institute one night and our instructor was sharing a personal story. The moral of it was that she hadn't stopped to ask for help with her trials. That struck me. I realized that through the trials I've been dealing with, I hadn't once stopped and prayed and asked for help. It seems so simple, yet its so major at the same time. There kept on being lessons about prayer, reading the scriptures, how important it is. Simple, yet important and essential. Later on, I realized that I couldn't feel the Spirit anymore. That scared me so much. It didn't hit me until later that I had needed those lessons. Those warnings. It hadn't occurred to me that He was trying to help me and tell me what I needed to do. I wasn't listening. The problems in my life were self-caused. If I hadn't stopped reading the scriptures and praying, then its possible that all the trials I had been going through may not have happened. At least would have been lighter. I started thinking, what can I do? I had lost one of my phones which I had been using to read the scriptures. I went onto lds.org and realized that I can read or listen to them on there. As well as listen to conference talks. I prayed and repented, promising I would go back to doing what I was supposed to.
Ever since, I pray at least twice a day, listen to the scriptures regularly - I shoot for everyday, and often listen to conference talks. Slowly and gradually things started to get better. I started feeling the Spirit again, which was a huge relief. It was a sign to me that I'm on the right track. That was about a month or two ago I think. I haven't been injured since, which is really great because it had been constant for the first few months of the year. I haven't been sick as often. I'm still unemployed, which I'm praying will end soon. I haven't worked in a little over 6 months. While its been cool to be home, participate in a lot of the missionary opportunities, and go to any of the singles ward activities I want, I really want/need to be working.
I know that if I exercise my faith, pray, read the scriptures, go to church, and fulfill my calling, things will be alright. This last year has been a wild ride. I know I still have changes to make that I am working on. I have changed so much. When I look back to who I was to who I am now, I don't even recognize the old me. I'm glad for that, I like who I am and who I am becoming. I am thankful for my choice to change and to be baptized. I am looking forward to see what the next year will bring. I am forever thankful that I joined the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints.
I testify that the church is true. Joseph Smith Jr was the Prophet. That he was visited by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the Sacred Grove in 1820. That he translated the Book Of Mormon from the golden plates. That the Book Of Mormon is true. That Heavenly Father exists. That we are all His children. That Jesus Christ lives. That He was sacrificed to bring forth the atonement. That we may be saved if we take upon His name and live according to the commandments. That they love us more than we can ever fully understand. That we have a modern day living prophet and apostles to guide us through these latter days. That President Thomas S Monson is the current prophet, seer, and revelator. That this Is the One True Church.
In His Holy name, the Lord Jesus Christ,
Amen.
5/24/2012
I've had the privilege of attending 3 lessons with investigators and missionaries this week. I love it so much. I love it when I feel the Spirit reveal to me those who are ready and those its going to take some more work. I feel so blessed to be given that knowledge when I meet an investigator.
Its hard sometimes though.. there was someone we were visiting a few weeks ago. We watched The Lamb Of God. It was overwhelming for me to watch. I felt the Spirit so strongly. I ended up giving testimony to the person we were visiting. It was intense for me. Then later that night, I started receiving revelation about that person. I told the missionaries everything. Then when we had another lesson, the Elders followed what I had been prompted by the Spirit to do. I got the feeling that this one has a definite chance if he follows what they gave him. Then there was no more from him. Then I found out a few days ago that he's pretty much a lost cause. Maybe one day, but not now.
But with failure there is success and I'm excited for the investigators who are ready to join the church. They don't yet know what a big decision they are making. The correct decision, but big all the same. They are going to change so much, I know I did. This last year has kind of turned me on my head. But in a good way. Either way, I'm very excited for them and I hope that I can continue to attend the lessons to watch their progression :-D
Its hard sometimes though.. there was someone we were visiting a few weeks ago. We watched The Lamb Of God. It was overwhelming for me to watch. I felt the Spirit so strongly. I ended up giving testimony to the person we were visiting. It was intense for me. Then later that night, I started receiving revelation about that person. I told the missionaries everything. Then when we had another lesson, the Elders followed what I had been prompted by the Spirit to do. I got the feeling that this one has a definite chance if he follows what they gave him. Then there was no more from him. Then I found out a few days ago that he's pretty much a lost cause. Maybe one day, but not now.
But with failure there is success and I'm excited for the investigators who are ready to join the church. They don't yet know what a big decision they are making. The correct decision, but big all the same. They are going to change so much, I know I did. This last year has kind of turned me on my head. But in a good way. Either way, I'm very excited for them and I hope that I can continue to attend the lessons to watch their progression :-D
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
somethings that make us different
I was talking to my roommate the other day and he was talking about how every church is basically the same. Except for maybe a few small things, but that they are the same. It didn't feel or sound right so I've been thinking about, what makes us different. What makes us the one true church. That part my roommate and I get into about sometimes because he is Catholic and I'm obviously LDS. He likes to say that the Catholic church is the one true church because its been around for a long time. I would come back with that I know that ours is the true church. He'd ask me how and my only answer is that I just know. Just because a church is old, doesn't make it the true church. Then I realized, how can I properly explain that its true. I can easily go on faith alone.. but not everyone does. During the testimony meeting, a sister stated that it is/can be hard for one with an analytical mind to have faith.
The following scripture has been floating in my mind:
"Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed" John 20:29
I understand that and although I don't need proof its true, I was still thinking about how can I explain it to someone else that does need proof. Then the following answers came to me:
Something that comes to mind is something a friend of mine said. There is more anti-Mormon literature than any other religion. So you wonder why is there so much against Mormons? The church has got to be true..
Its not an exact quote, but its pretty close. I just think its interesting.
The following scripture has been floating in my mind:
"Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed" John 20:29
I understand that and although I don't need proof its true, I was still thinking about how can I explain it to someone else that does need proof. Then the following answers came to me:
- The Book of Mormon which is another testament of Jesus Christ. All you need to do is read it or at least read part of it and you will know of its truth. I seriously doubt there is anyone out there that can honestly say they have read the Book of Mormon and still say they don't believe. It corroborates with the Bible with events that happened and prophecies that came true. We are the only ones that have another book testifying to us. Every other Christian church goes off just the Bible.
- The Prophet Joseph Smith. He is a man that was born in New York that when he was a teenager went into the grove - now the sacred grove - and prayed. He was visited by our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in person. He reestablished the church upon the earth.
- Our Latter-Day Prophets. We are the only ones with modern day prophets. They help guide us and let us know what we need to do.
- The Apostles. We are the only ones that have 12 apostles as Christ did in his ministry.
- The Priesthood. We are the only ones that have men who have priesthood authority.
- The Word of Wisdom. Other churches have something similar, but we have actual doctrine. The things in the word of wisdom are stated in the Bible as well.
- Its a lifestyle. We're one of the only ones where you actually live the gospel. Not where the rules only apply on Sundays. Or when its convienient.
Something that comes to mind is something a friend of mine said. There is more anti-Mormon literature than any other religion. So you wonder why is there so much against Mormons? The church has got to be true..
Its not an exact quote, but its pretty close. I just think its interesting.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
thoughts having to do with the Book of Mormon
I was thinking about something that the missionaries talked about during correlation meeting.
They were talking about the Book of Mormon. How its the keystone to our religion, how its a testimony builder, among other things. They gave us each a copy of the Book of Mormon. One of the missionaries got up and asked us to look through the book and give scripture showing how we know its true or something like that. I couldn't come up with the specific scripture at the time, but I mentioned that it talks about Alma baptizing people in the waters of Mormon, so the church was kind of established before the Prophet Joseph Smith. At the time I said it was in Alma, but its actually in Mosiah 25:18.. some others gave some great answers. I can't remember what they were though. The missionaries suggested sharing our testimonies of the Book of Mormon in the door approach. I realized that I don't have a testimony specifically about the Book of Mormon. I mean I know its true, but beyond that.
I was listening to the Book of Mormon tonight, I finished up Helaman and just listened to 3 Nephi 1 when I decided to type this. I realized that listening to the words testify to me that again that the book is true. Particularly because it corroborates with the Bible and prophesies of things that happen in it. It truly is another testament of Jesus Christ. Like how Tad R. Callister of the Seventy gave his testimony of the Book Of Mormon in the October 2011 general conference, fall session: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-book-of-mormon-a-book-from-god?lang=eng
If you haven't watched/listened/read it yet, I really suggest you do.. even if you have, do it again.
They were talking about the Book of Mormon. How its the keystone to our religion, how its a testimony builder, among other things. They gave us each a copy of the Book of Mormon. One of the missionaries got up and asked us to look through the book and give scripture showing how we know its true or something like that. I couldn't come up with the specific scripture at the time, but I mentioned that it talks about Alma baptizing people in the waters of Mormon, so the church was kind of established before the Prophet Joseph Smith. At the time I said it was in Alma, but its actually in Mosiah 25:18.. some others gave some great answers. I can't remember what they were though. The missionaries suggested sharing our testimonies of the Book of Mormon in the door approach. I realized that I don't have a testimony specifically about the Book of Mormon. I mean I know its true, but beyond that.
I was listening to the Book of Mormon tonight, I finished up Helaman and just listened to 3 Nephi 1 when I decided to type this. I realized that listening to the words testify to me that again that the book is true. Particularly because it corroborates with the Bible and prophesies of things that happen in it. It truly is another testament of Jesus Christ. Like how Tad R. Callister of the Seventy gave his testimony of the Book Of Mormon in the October 2011 general conference, fall session: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-book-of-mormon-a-book-from-god?lang=eng
If you haven't watched/listened/read it yet, I really suggest you do.. even if you have, do it again.
I guess good news travels fast
Last Friday (3/2/2012) a girl came to me at school and asked me if I was Mormon. I was surprised by her question because: one, I only told 2 people, one student who is also a friend and an instructor.. and two because we are not supposed/allowed to talk about religion at school.. its too much of a hot button topic. So I keep to myself.
I confirmed and she asked me if we read the Bible everyday, why, how Lucifer became Satan, about the creation and the fall, and some other stuff. I tried to explain to her.. but she looked at me puzzled and as if she didn't believe me. I don't like to Bible bash, so I didn't argue with her beyond attempting to explain what I knew. I realized talking to her that I need to be more well versed in the scriptures than trying to recall what I was taught. I realized I was late clocking back in from lunch, so I left her with the advice of: next time you pray, ask for the knowledge to the questions you have, ask if the scriptures are true, and you'll receive answers.
I'm not used to people that I don't know asking me about the church and what we believe. I liked it and it'd be cool if it happens again. I just hope that if/when it happens again I can fully answer their questions.
I confirmed and she asked me if we read the Bible everyday, why, how Lucifer became Satan, about the creation and the fall, and some other stuff. I tried to explain to her.. but she looked at me puzzled and as if she didn't believe me. I don't like to Bible bash, so I didn't argue with her beyond attempting to explain what I knew. I realized talking to her that I need to be more well versed in the scriptures than trying to recall what I was taught. I realized I was late clocking back in from lunch, so I left her with the advice of: next time you pray, ask for the knowledge to the questions you have, ask if the scriptures are true, and you'll receive answers.
I'm not used to people that I don't know asking me about the church and what we believe. I liked it and it'd be cool if it happens again. I just hope that if/when it happens again I can fully answer their questions.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
telling me what I need to know
Something I noticed is when I'm lacking to do something, then it seems there will be a lot of lessons all close together having something to do with what I'm lacking.
In the beginning of January, after the car accident, I was having problems with a fellow member. They were taking what happened, skewing it to something much worse and spreading it to other people. I got really mad and decided to go off on them via text message. I didn't really feel better afterward. I insisted to myself that I was justified in what I had done. Then a lot of the lessons at church started having something to do with forgiveness. Loving everyone, even those that are hard to love. I recognized that I needed to make things right with the member. When I thought about doing that, I would be reminded of why I had gotten mad and then I followed that and stayed mad. Thinking no, my anger and frustration is justified.. she was wrong and I'm right, etc. Then on Sunday, January 29th, I had suddenly got the feeling that I needed to make things right. I was going to walk over to her, but there was others with her and I didn't want others around. After church, I had stepped into ward council momentarily for a blessing. Then afterward, I was heading off to choir when the woman was coming down the hallway. I felt, this is my chance. There wasn't anyone else around and I stopped her and apologized. She accepted it and things were fixed. I felt such a weight being lifted off me. Later on that day, I had a meeting with the Bishop and he offered me to be set apart as a ward missionary. I have the feeling that one linked in with the other.
Recently I haven't been too good at reading the scriptures. I was really good about it when I was working and the effects felt great. But since I lost my job, I have kinda stopped reading as often. I don't quite know why.. I just haven't been on it as much. Well, it seems a lot of the lessons at church seem to focus on reading the scriptures and the benefits of it and the consequences of not. More than usual. It didn't really hit me until last night at outreach and we were teaching a lesson. Lehi's dream was brought up, broken down and it was drawn out. How holding on to the iron rod is reading the scriptures. If you let go of the iron rod, you get led off into the darkness. I don't want that to happen.. I don't want to revert. It would be nice to feel as close to the Spirit and stuff as I had felt when I was reading everyday and stuff. I'm willing to bet that if I get back to reading and make a point of it like I used to, that things in my life would improve.
I'm thankful that we are shown what we need to improve on. The benefits of following. The consequences of not. I'm thankful for repentance and the atonement. For their love and that They don't want us to fall away, so we're shown what we need to do. Then its up to us to follow through.
In the beginning of January, after the car accident, I was having problems with a fellow member. They were taking what happened, skewing it to something much worse and spreading it to other people. I got really mad and decided to go off on them via text message. I didn't really feel better afterward. I insisted to myself that I was justified in what I had done. Then a lot of the lessons at church started having something to do with forgiveness. Loving everyone, even those that are hard to love. I recognized that I needed to make things right with the member. When I thought about doing that, I would be reminded of why I had gotten mad and then I followed that and stayed mad. Thinking no, my anger and frustration is justified.. she was wrong and I'm right, etc. Then on Sunday, January 29th, I had suddenly got the feeling that I needed to make things right. I was going to walk over to her, but there was others with her and I didn't want others around. After church, I had stepped into ward council momentarily for a blessing. Then afterward, I was heading off to choir when the woman was coming down the hallway. I felt, this is my chance. There wasn't anyone else around and I stopped her and apologized. She accepted it and things were fixed. I felt such a weight being lifted off me. Later on that day, I had a meeting with the Bishop and he offered me to be set apart as a ward missionary. I have the feeling that one linked in with the other.
Recently I haven't been too good at reading the scriptures. I was really good about it when I was working and the effects felt great. But since I lost my job, I have kinda stopped reading as often. I don't quite know why.. I just haven't been on it as much. Well, it seems a lot of the lessons at church seem to focus on reading the scriptures and the benefits of it and the consequences of not. More than usual. It didn't really hit me until last night at outreach and we were teaching a lesson. Lehi's dream was brought up, broken down and it was drawn out. How holding on to the iron rod is reading the scriptures. If you let go of the iron rod, you get led off into the darkness. I don't want that to happen.. I don't want to revert. It would be nice to feel as close to the Spirit and stuff as I had felt when I was reading everyday and stuff. I'm willing to bet that if I get back to reading and make a point of it like I used to, that things in my life would improve.
I'm thankful that we are shown what we need to improve on. The benefits of following. The consequences of not. I'm thankful for repentance and the atonement. For their love and that They don't want us to fall away, so we're shown what we need to do. Then its up to us to follow through.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Reaching out to those in need
On Monday, February 6th, I was at Safeway to get cookies because it was my turn to bring snacks to WHE. I got out of my car and a young man approached me. He said his name was Brandon. He turned 20 a few days ago. He was just released out of Providence hospital with an ear infection. He doesn't have a place to live or a job. He had been staying in a room with a friend, but the "friend" took his stuff and bolted. All this had happened within the last few days. I asked him how I can help him. He told me if I could, if he could have a little money towards staying at a motel for the night. I could tell he was being honest. I had him follow me into Safeway. I asked him how much a motel is. I asked him if he has a religious affiliation and he doesn't. So I took it as a missionary opportunity. Told him a little about the church. Gave him the name, address, and when service begins. He told me he's happy to be a part of any church. Gave him some money for a couple nights at a motel and food, and said a prayer for him. He told me that I'm the nicest person he's come across and he gave me a hug, then we parted ways. I'd like to think that's what He would do if He was in the same situation.
Unfortunately, I didn't see him at church. I hope he's doing alright and that things turn around for him.
Unfortunately, I didn't see him at church. I hope he's doing alright and that things turn around for him.
Thinking back on it, I realized I've changed a lot. If the same happened a year ago, I would have refused to help him , would have rushed into the store hoping for him to be gone by the time I left, and wouldn't have given him a second thought. I wouldn't have seen him as a young man needing help, I would have seen him as a nuisance. I'm so glad that I'm not like that anymore.
February 5th
Sunday, February 5th was a great day! I was set apart as a ward missionary for my home ward - Mukilteo. I am so thankful for the opportunity! I want to make the most of what I've been given and hope that I'm able to help lots of people :-D
I also got to bring a good friend of mine to the singles ward with me. He previously was against pretty much all of it.. I think I may have pushed too hard when I first joined the church. I had given up with him. There is an inkling of hope now there that I have for him. Getting people to church is an important first step.
I also got to bring a good friend of mine to the singles ward with me. He previously was against pretty much all of it.. I think I may have pushed too hard when I first joined the church. I had given up with him. There is an inkling of hope now there that I have for him. Getting people to church is an important first step.
Its been a while
There's been so much going on!
The hard part is I haven't been able to type it up. I got hurt at school and haven't really had use of my right hand /wrist, I'm right handed. Its feeling a little better at the moment, so I'm gonna post what's been up.
If I have any regular readers, thank you for your patience
The hard part is I haven't been able to type it up. I got hurt at school and haven't really had use of my right hand /wrist, I'm right handed. Its feeling a little better at the moment, so I'm gonna post what's been up.
If I have any regular readers, thank you for your patience
Thursday, January 26, 2012
One thing after another
Yesterday - 1/25/12 - was a crazy day. There was a Temple trip set up for me and friends, Kristie and Josh.
I picked up Kristie, we went to the store, and came back to my apartment. There was not a set time when we were going to meet up and head out. While we were at the store, It was almost 3 when I checked my Facebook and there was a time set for 3:15. I knew there was no way that was going to work. I was loading groceries into my car and preparing to drive, so I had Kristie call Josh from my phone and change the time to 3:30. I was unprepared. I still had to get dressed for the Temple and get my people printed off. Kristie helped me get other things done while I got ready. It was 3:25 by the time I got on my computer to print out what I needed. I got things printed and it wouldn't print correctly. My printer was leaving lines and blank spots through the paper. I was freaking out. It was almost 3:40. I can't stand running late. I called Josh and explained and ETA'd 3:50. I tried again with my printer before giving up. Kristie and I headed to the stake center which is where we agreed to meet. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't going to work. Kristie and I went to the family history center to see if they could get what I needed printed off. The woman tried. Each time, her internet explorer failed and would not print. She tried from 2 computers. It just wouldn't work. It was after 4:00 at this point. She gave me instruction to give the Temple workers when we got there. That they'd be able to get it printed. We met up with Josh. I felt really bad because he had been waiting for us for over 30 minutes. We waited a few more minutes for two more people, Amber and Anaelisa. Then we took off. I had been telling myself that once we were underway, that I would feel better. That things would be ok. It wasn't working.
We got there and headed in. We got down into the office and I asked about getting stuff printed. I was met with some opposition. I tried giving the instruction that the family history woman gave me. They went to try and get stuff printed off. I waited anxiously with Kristie who was trying to reassure me that things will be ok. Her words were going against what I felt inside. When they came back down, I was told they weren't able to do it. I was really upset. I felt this weird feeling that I just had to get out of there. So I took off and went outside. I felt like I needed to get away. But I was wearing heels and I didn't want anyone to worry about me. It was a good thing that I hadn't driven there because otherwise I likely would have driven off. I felt so scared. I couldn't feel the Spirit at all. I walked around to the back of the building and leaned against one of the light posts. I cried. I cried aloud looking up to the sky, looking at the Temple. I asked why, what had I done wrong. I felt like all this was happening because of something I must have done wrong. I cried wanting to know why I couldn't feel the Spirit. All I felt was alone and cold. It started raining. I reasoned with myself that it would be better to go inside rather than standing out in the rain.
No sooner than I had gone inside and sat down, one of the lady Temple workers came in and confirmed who I was. Saying that they were looking for me. We talked for a while and I couldn't stop myself from crying in front of her. I don't like crying in front of people. She did her best to comfort me and told me that its the adversary that doesn't want me there and that if I participate, although it wouldn't be for my family members, that doing His work is good and that it would help me feel better. I didn't believe her, but I followed. I was lead back down and participated. After, I felt a little calmer, but I then felt embarrassed about walking out and away from my friends. I met back up with them. I apologized to Kristie about walking out and it was accepted. We all left and went outside. I apologized to Josh and it was accepted. At that moment, I felt better.
I was thinking about what the woman told me about feeling better doing His work. I'm glad that I listened and followed along. The rest of the night went along fine. I was feeling back to my usual self. Got my printer working, now have what I needed earlier. I hope that I get the chance to go back to the Temple.
small blessings
This morning as I was I praying, I felt a strong warmth come over me. After I finished, I checked the heat and it wasn't running. I know that it was the Spirit coming over me. I feel so relieved to feel the Spirit. Especially after last night. I was at the Temple last night and I couldn't feel the Spirit. That's the scariest feeling for me. To not feel the Spirit, especially in a place I should feel him the strongest.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
All's well that ends well
A missionary told me that even if things don't go according to God's plan, they will always end His way. Which is a good way. It didn't make any sense. We were talking about the car accident and I think he may have been trying to comfort me or something.
Then it came to me last night, (1/9/12), that what he said was true. Even though the car accident was a bad thing - learning experience or not - it did end well. Because the car accident happened, it got my brother to come home and it brought my mom over to help take care of things so I could rest. I was reminded of how lucky I am to have been able to spend time with my mom considering the times I've almost lost her. Any time with my mom and my family in general is invaluable, precious time. I'm not necessarily glad that the accident happened, but I am glad for the time I got to spend with them.
Then I was watching the movie "Pollyanna", its a Disney movie starring a young Hayley Mills. A big part of the story is something called "the glad game". In which even if things are going wrong, find something to be glad about. I think that its an important message. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive.
Its something that I'm learning and I hope that others will too :-)
Then it came to me last night, (1/9/12), that what he said was true. Even though the car accident was a bad thing - learning experience or not - it did end well. Because the car accident happened, it got my brother to come home and it brought my mom over to help take care of things so I could rest. I was reminded of how lucky I am to have been able to spend time with my mom considering the times I've almost lost her. Any time with my mom and my family in general is invaluable, precious time. I'm not necessarily glad that the accident happened, but I am glad for the time I got to spend with them.
Then I was watching the movie "Pollyanna", its a Disney movie starring a young Hayley Mills. A big part of the story is something called "the glad game". In which even if things are going wrong, find something to be glad about. I think that its an important message. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive.
Its something that I'm learning and I hope that others will too :-)
Monday, January 9, 2012
admitting wrongs
On Thursday, 1/5/12, after I found out from the Spirit that the car accident was going to happen anyway. That I would have walked away unscathed like the others did if I had listened. I prayed, apologized, and asked for forgiveness.
I didn't feel peace about it though and that bothered me.
On Sunday, 1/8/12, I was prompted to share what happened in the fast and testimony meeting. I was unsure about it, but I did it anyway. I went to the Mukilteo ward - my home ward - and gave it there. After, I felt the pain I was in disappear and received a "good job" from the Spirit. After I sat down, I was prompted to share it with the singles ward as well. I didn't really want to. Admitting where you went wrong is hard enough doing in front of one group of 100+ people, let alone two. But I did it anyway. As I was giving the testimony in the singles ward, I looked around the room and noticed people looking at me strangely. It kind of put me off, but after I was done and sat back down, I felt the warmth of the Spirit reassuring what I had done was right. I no longer felt bad about what I had done. My getting up and sharing my experience and my mistake with the 2 groups of 100+ people, I could feel that He forgave me. It nice to feel that peace about the situation.
I didn't feel peace about it though and that bothered me.
On Sunday, 1/8/12, I was prompted to share what happened in the fast and testimony meeting. I was unsure about it, but I did it anyway. I went to the Mukilteo ward - my home ward - and gave it there. After, I felt the pain I was in disappear and received a "good job" from the Spirit. After I sat down, I was prompted to share it with the singles ward as well. I didn't really want to. Admitting where you went wrong is hard enough doing in front of one group of 100+ people, let alone two. But I did it anyway. As I was giving the testimony in the singles ward, I looked around the room and noticed people looking at me strangely. It kind of put me off, but after I was done and sat back down, I felt the warmth of the Spirit reassuring what I had done was right. I no longer felt bad about what I had done. My getting up and sharing my experience and my mistake with the 2 groups of 100+ people, I could feel that He forgave me. It nice to feel that peace about the situation.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Medical Care - a rant (not church related)
There is something that bothers me.
I went to the hospital - Providence Medical Center, Pacific campus in Everett - at 3:30am on 1/1/12 after getting home from a dance. On the way to the dance, we were in a car accident. I decided to get checked out after I got home. I didn't know if I had insurance or not, so I told them I didn't. When I was seen by the doctor, he was with me for maybe 10 minutes. He did a quick concussion check, poked my neck a few times, and left. I felt like he really didn't care. When the nurse came in later, she gave me prescriptions for Naproxen, Vicodin, and Flexeril. I was sent on my way.
I went back to the same hospital at 12:00am 1/7/12 because I was in a lot of pain and the meds weren't working. I found out earlier that day, I'm covered under my Dad's insurance. The doctor came in, sat down and listened to me. They did a full set of x-rays on my neck and back. Gave me prescriptions for Valium and Percocet. I felt like he actually cared about what happened and that I was in pain. Then we left a couple hours later.
My problem with this is I wasn't treated well without insurance and I was treated well with insurance. It bothers me because insurance or not, it shouldn't matter. The doctor should care about the patients they are treating regardless. It was explained to me that its all a business and that if they think they aren't getting paid, then they don't care.
Its just so wrong..
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Lesson learned
I sit here this morning. Posting this from my phone. I'm supposed to be leaving for school right now. I can't. I was getting together some of my school things and pain shot through my spine. When I stood, I became very stiff and on a scale from 0-10.. my pain is at about a 9.5.
I'm hit with the reality that it was completely avoidable. If I had heeded the warning. If I had buckled my seat belt. I wouldn't be in the condition I'm in now. Looking over my previous posts, I know by now not to ignore the Spirit. Because i didn't want to ask the girl next to me to lift up so i could get to the buckle. Because i felt uncomfortable, that's not a good enough reason for ignoring His promptings. There is no excuse good enough. Especially about something like safety.
I received a message from the Spirit this morning telling me that the car accident was going to happen. In my car or another's, it was going to happen. That if I had listened and buckled up properly like He told me to, I would have walked away unharmed like the others in my group. That I normally listen and follow what I am prompted. That I should have this time as well. The injuries I'm dealing with now are consequence of not listening. That the injuries were avoidable.
I prayed for forgiveness.
Now 3:15pm.. I became confused.. I asked, why was it going to happen anyway? That didn't make any sense. I got the simple answer of: Life experience. The car accident was an experience all 5 of us plus the 4 who crashed into us needed.
This was a definite lesson for me. I hope that to anyone who reads this, its a lesson for you as well, reading what I'm going through. Do not ignore the Holy Ghost. Do not ignore promptings. Be careful and listen carefully for His small still voice. He's there to help protect and guide us. Its up to us to listen.
In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen
I'm hit with the reality that it was completely avoidable. If I had heeded the warning. If I had buckled my seat belt. I wouldn't be in the condition I'm in now. Looking over my previous posts, I know by now not to ignore the Spirit. Because i didn't want to ask the girl next to me to lift up so i could get to the buckle. Because i felt uncomfortable, that's not a good enough reason for ignoring His promptings. There is no excuse good enough. Especially about something like safety.
I received a message from the Spirit this morning telling me that the car accident was going to happen. In my car or another's, it was going to happen. That if I had listened and buckled up properly like He told me to, I would have walked away unharmed like the others in my group. That I normally listen and follow what I am prompted. That I should have this time as well. The injuries I'm dealing with now are consequence of not listening. That the injuries were avoidable.
I prayed for forgiveness.
Now 3:15pm.. I became confused.. I asked, why was it going to happen anyway? That didn't make any sense. I got the simple answer of: Life experience. The car accident was an experience all 5 of us plus the 4 who crashed into us needed.
This was a definite lesson for me. I hope that to anyone who reads this, its a lesson for you as well, reading what I'm going through. Do not ignore the Holy Ghost. Do not ignore promptings. Be careful and listen carefully for His small still voice. He's there to help protect and guide us. Its up to us to listen.
In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
A chance to make a difference
I'm so excited! I was contacted by online missionaries. I now get to work with Elders Hafen and Callahan. This is going to be awesome!!!!! : D
A new New Years Eve 12/31/11
Normally my New Years Eve's have been kinda bland.. forgettable.
This New Years Eve was different. I met with a group of people to carpool to the YSA dance in downtown Seattle. We took my car, but I didn't want to drive. I don't like driving at night or into Seattle. I wasn't able to get my seat belt buckled.. the buckle was underneath the girl sitting next to me in the back. I didn't know her and didn't feel comfortable saying anything. So I decided to hold it in place as best I could. I kept getting little warnings from the Spirit telling me to get buckled in. I ignored it. Everything was going fine. Then we were taking exit 167 to Mercer St from I-5 South. Traffic went from going 60mph to 0mph. We slammed on our brakes and stopped in time with a good gap between us and the car in front of us. Well, the car behind us didn't stop. My car stopped it. We were rear-ended hard.
It was scary. I was the only one of 5 of us injured. The pain didnt fully hit me until I got home at around 3am. My roommate took me to the hospital. Now my neck and back is strained and sprained. I know that if I had gotten my seat belt buckled then my car would have been the only thing with damage and I would be uninjured like the other 4 are. I should know by now not to ignore promptings from the Spirit. This is another learning experience..
I don't remember much of the accident itself. But I know I won't forget that night.
This New Years Eve was different. I met with a group of people to carpool to the YSA dance in downtown Seattle. We took my car, but I didn't want to drive. I don't like driving at night or into Seattle. I wasn't able to get my seat belt buckled.. the buckle was underneath the girl sitting next to me in the back. I didn't know her and didn't feel comfortable saying anything. So I decided to hold it in place as best I could. I kept getting little warnings from the Spirit telling me to get buckled in. I ignored it. Everything was going fine. Then we were taking exit 167 to Mercer St from I-5 South. Traffic went from going 60mph to 0mph. We slammed on our brakes and stopped in time with a good gap between us and the car in front of us. Well, the car behind us didn't stop. My car stopped it. We were rear-ended hard.
It was scary. I was the only one of 5 of us injured. The pain didnt fully hit me until I got home at around 3am. My roommate took me to the hospital. Now my neck and back is strained and sprained. I know that if I had gotten my seat belt buckled then my car would have been the only thing with damage and I would be uninjured like the other 4 are. I should know by now not to ignore promptings from the Spirit. This is another learning experience..
I don't remember much of the accident itself. But I know I won't forget that night.
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