One thing after another

Yesterday - 1/25/12 - was a crazy day. There was a Temple trip set up for me and friends, Kristie and Josh.

I picked up Kristie, we went to the store, and came back to my apartment. There was not a set time when we were going to meet up and head out. While we were at the store, It was almost 3 when I checked my Facebook and there was a time set for 3:15. I knew there was no way that was going to work. I was loading groceries into my car and preparing to drive, so I had Kristie call Josh from my phone and change the time to 3:30. I was unprepared. I still had to get dressed for the Temple and get my people printed off. Kristie helped me get other things done while I got ready. It was 3:25 by the time I got on my computer to print out what I needed. I got things printed and it wouldn't print correctly. My printer was leaving lines and blank spots through the paper. I was freaking out. It was almost 3:40. I can't stand running late. I called Josh and explained and ETA'd 3:50. I tried again with my printer before giving up. Kristie and I headed to the stake center which is where we agreed to meet. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't going to work. Kristie and I went to the family history center to see if they could get what I needed printed off. The woman tried. Each time, her internet explorer failed and would not print. She tried from 2 computers. It just wouldn't work. It was after 4:00 at this point. She gave me instruction to give the Temple workers when we got there. That they'd be able to get it printed. We met up with Josh. I felt really bad because he had been waiting for us for over 30 minutes. We waited a few more minutes for two more people, Amber and Anaelisa. Then we took off. I had been telling myself that once we were underway, that I would feel better. That things would be ok. It wasn't working.

We got there and headed in. We got down into the office and I asked about getting stuff printed. I was met with some opposition. I tried giving the instruction that the family history woman gave me. They went to try and get stuff printed off. I waited anxiously with Kristie who was trying to reassure me that things will be ok. Her words were going against what I felt inside. When they came back down, I was told they weren't able to do it. I was really upset. I felt this weird feeling that I just had to get out of there. So I took off and went outside. I felt like I needed to get away. But I was wearing heels and I didn't want anyone to worry about me. It was a good thing that I hadn't driven there because otherwise I likely would have driven off. I felt so scared. I couldn't feel the Spirit at all. I walked around to the back of the building and leaned against one of the light posts. I cried. I cried aloud looking up to the sky, looking at the Temple. I asked why, what had I done wrong. I felt like all this was happening because of something I must have done wrong. I cried wanting to know why I couldn't feel the Spirit. All I felt was alone and cold. It started raining. I reasoned with myself that it would be better to go inside rather than standing out in the rain.

No sooner than I had gone inside and sat down, one of the lady Temple workers came in and confirmed who I was. Saying that they were looking for me. We talked for a while and I couldn't stop myself from crying in front of her. I don't like crying in front of people. She did her best to comfort me and told me that its the adversary that doesn't want me there and that if I participate, although it wouldn't be for my family members, that doing His work is good and that it would help me feel better. I didn't believe her, but I followed. I was lead back down and participated. After, I felt a little calmer, but I then felt embarrassed about walking out and away from my friends. I met back up with them. I apologized to Kristie about walking out and it was accepted. We all left and went outside. I apologized to Josh and it was accepted. At that moment, I felt better.

I was thinking about what the woman told me about feeling better doing His work. I'm glad that I listened and followed along. The rest of the night went along fine. I was feeling back to my usual self. Got my printer working, now have what I needed earlier. I hope that I get the chance to go back to the Temple.

small blessings

This morning as I was I praying, I felt a strong warmth come over me. After I finished, I checked the heat and it wasn't running. I know that it was the Spirit coming over me. I feel so relieved to feel the Spirit. Especially after last night. I was at the Temple last night and I couldn't feel the Spirit. That's the scariest feeling for me. To not feel the Spirit, especially in a place I should feel him the strongest.

All's well that ends well

A missionary told me that even if things don't go according to God's plan, they will always end His way. Which is a good way. It didn't make any sense. We were talking about the car accident and I think he may have been trying to comfort me or something.

Then it came to me last night, (1/9/12), that what he said was true. Even though the car accident was a bad thing - learning experience or not - it did end well. Because the car accident happened, it got my brother to come home and it brought my mom over to help take care of things so I could rest. I was reminded of how lucky I am to have been able to spend time with my mom considering the times I've almost lost her. Any time with my mom and my family in general is invaluable, precious time. I'm not necessarily glad that the accident happened, but I am glad for the time I got to spend with them.

Then I was watching the movie "Pollyanna", its a Disney movie starring a young Hayley Mills. A big part of the story is something called "the glad game". In which even if things are going wrong, find something to be glad about. I think that its an important message. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive.

Its something that I'm learning and I hope that others will too :-)

admitting wrongs

On Thursday, 1/5/12, after I found out from the Spirit that the car accident was going to happen anyway. That I would have walked away unscathed like the others did if I had listened. I prayed, apologized, and asked for forgiveness.

I didn't feel peace about it though and that bothered me.

On Sunday, 1/8/12, I was prompted to share what happened in the fast and testimony meeting. I was unsure about it, but I did it anyway. I went to the Mukilteo ward - my home ward - and gave it there. After, I felt the pain I was in disappear and received a "good job" from the Spirit. After I sat down, I was prompted to share it with the singles ward as well. I didn't really want to. Admitting where you went wrong is hard enough doing in front of one group of 100+ people, let alone two. But I did it anyway. As I was giving the testimony in the singles ward, I looked around the room and noticed people looking at me strangely. It kind of put me off, but after I was done and sat back down, I felt the warmth of the Spirit reassuring what I had done was right. I no longer felt bad about what I had done. My getting up and sharing my experience and my mistake with the 2 groups of 100+ people, I could feel that He forgave me. It nice to feel that peace about the situation.

Medical Care - a rant (not church related)

There is something that bothers me.

I went to the hospital - Providence Medical Center, Pacific campus in Everett - at 3:30am on 1/1/12 after getting home from a dance. On the way to the dance, we were in a car accident. I decided to get checked out after I got home. I didn't know if I had insurance or not, so I told them I didn't. When I was seen by the doctor, he was with me for maybe 10 minutes. He did a quick concussion check, poked my neck a few times, and left. I felt like he really didn't care. When the nurse came in later, she gave me prescriptions for Naproxen, Vicodin, and Flexeril. I was sent on my way.

I went back to the same hospital at 12:00am 1/7/12 because I was in a lot of pain and the meds weren't working. I found out earlier that day, I'm covered under my Dad's insurance. The doctor came in, sat down and listened to me. They did a full set of x-rays on my neck and back. Gave me prescriptions for Valium and Percocet. I felt like he actually cared about what happened and that I was in pain. Then we left a couple hours later.

My problem with this is I wasn't treated well without insurance and I was treated well with insurance. It bothers me because insurance or not, it shouldn't matter. The doctor should care about the patients they are treating regardless. It was explained to me that its all a business and that if they think they aren't getting paid, then they don't care. 

Its just so wrong..

Lesson learned

I sit here this morning. Posting this from my phone. I'm supposed to be leaving for school right now. I can't. I was getting together some of my school things and pain shot through my spine. When I stood, I became very stiff and on a scale from 0-10.. my pain is at about a 9.5.

I'm hit with the reality that it was completely avoidable. If I had heeded the warning. If I had buckled my seat belt. I wouldn't be in the condition I'm in now. Looking over my previous posts, I know by now not to ignore the Spirit. Because i didn't want to ask the girl next to me to lift up so i could get to the buckle. Because i felt uncomfortable, that's not a good enough reason for ignoring His promptings. There is no excuse good enough. Especially about something like safety.

I received a message from the Spirit this morning telling me that the car accident was going to happen. In my car or another's, it was going to happen. That if I had listened and buckled up properly like He told me to, I would have walked away unharmed like the others in my group. That I normally listen and follow what I am prompted. That I should have this time as well. The injuries I'm dealing with now are consequence of not listening. That the injuries were avoidable.

I prayed for forgiveness.

Now 3:15pm.. I became confused.. I asked, why was it going to happen anyway? That didn't make any sense. I got the simple answer of: Life experience. The car accident was an experience all 5 of us plus the 4 who crashed into us needed.

This was a definite lesson for me. I hope that to anyone who reads this, its a lesson for you as well, reading what I'm going through. Do not ignore the Holy Ghost. Do not ignore promptings. Be careful and listen carefully for His small still voice. He's there to help protect and guide us. Its up to us to listen.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen

A chance to make a difference

I'm so excited! I was contacted by online missionaries. I now get to work with Elders Hafen and Callahan. This is going to be awesome!!!!! : D

A new New Years Eve 12/31/11

Normally my New Years Eve's have been kinda bland.. forgettable.

This New Years Eve was different. I met with a group of people to carpool to the YSA dance in downtown Seattle. We took my car, but I didn't want to drive. I don't like driving at night or into Seattle. I wasn't able to get my seat belt buckled.. the buckle was underneath the girl sitting next to me in the back. I didn't know her and didn't feel comfortable saying anything. So I decided to hold it in place as best I could. I kept getting little warnings from the Spirit telling me to get buckled in. I ignored it. Everything was going fine. Then we were taking exit 167 to Mercer St from I-5 South. Traffic went from going 60mph to 0mph. We slammed on our brakes and stopped in time with a good gap between us and the car in front of us. Well, the car behind us didn't stop. My car stopped it. We were rear-ended hard.

It was scary. I was the only one of 5 of us injured. The pain didnt fully hit me until I got home at around 3am. My roommate took me to the hospital. Now my neck and back is strained and sprained. I know that if I had gotten my seat belt buckled then my car would have been the only thing with damage and I would be uninjured like the other 4 are. I should know by now not to ignore promptings from the Spirit. This is another learning experience..

I don't remember much of the accident itself. But I know I won't forget that night.