One thing after another

Yesterday - 1/25/12 - was a crazy day. There was a Temple trip set up for me and friends, Kristie and Josh.

I picked up Kristie, we went to the store, and came back to my apartment. There was not a set time when we were going to meet up and head out. While we were at the store, It was almost 3 when I checked my Facebook and there was a time set for 3:15. I knew there was no way that was going to work. I was loading groceries into my car and preparing to drive, so I had Kristie call Josh from my phone and change the time to 3:30. I was unprepared. I still had to get dressed for the Temple and get my people printed off. Kristie helped me get other things done while I got ready. It was 3:25 by the time I got on my computer to print out what I needed. I got things printed and it wouldn't print correctly. My printer was leaving lines and blank spots through the paper. I was freaking out. It was almost 3:40. I can't stand running late. I called Josh and explained and ETA'd 3:50. I tried again with my printer before giving up. Kristie and I headed to the stake center which is where we agreed to meet. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't going to work. Kristie and I went to the family history center to see if they could get what I needed printed off. The woman tried. Each time, her internet explorer failed and would not print. She tried from 2 computers. It just wouldn't work. It was after 4:00 at this point. She gave me instruction to give the Temple workers when we got there. That they'd be able to get it printed. We met up with Josh. I felt really bad because he had been waiting for us for over 30 minutes. We waited a few more minutes for two more people, Amber and Anaelisa. Then we took off. I had been telling myself that once we were underway, that I would feel better. That things would be ok. It wasn't working.

We got there and headed in. We got down into the office and I asked about getting stuff printed. I was met with some opposition. I tried giving the instruction that the family history woman gave me. They went to try and get stuff printed off. I waited anxiously with Kristie who was trying to reassure me that things will be ok. Her words were going against what I felt inside. When they came back down, I was told they weren't able to do it. I was really upset. I felt this weird feeling that I just had to get out of there. So I took off and went outside. I felt like I needed to get away. But I was wearing heels and I didn't want anyone to worry about me. It was a good thing that I hadn't driven there because otherwise I likely would have driven off. I felt so scared. I couldn't feel the Spirit at all. I walked around to the back of the building and leaned against one of the light posts. I cried. I cried aloud looking up to the sky, looking at the Temple. I asked why, what had I done wrong. I felt like all this was happening because of something I must have done wrong. I cried wanting to know why I couldn't feel the Spirit. All I felt was alone and cold. It started raining. I reasoned with myself that it would be better to go inside rather than standing out in the rain.

No sooner than I had gone inside and sat down, one of the lady Temple workers came in and confirmed who I was. Saying that they were looking for me. We talked for a while and I couldn't stop myself from crying in front of her. I don't like crying in front of people. She did her best to comfort me and told me that its the adversary that doesn't want me there and that if I participate, although it wouldn't be for my family members, that doing His work is good and that it would help me feel better. I didn't believe her, but I followed. I was lead back down and participated. After, I felt a little calmer, but I then felt embarrassed about walking out and away from my friends. I met back up with them. I apologized to Kristie about walking out and it was accepted. We all left and went outside. I apologized to Josh and it was accepted. At that moment, I felt better.

I was thinking about what the woman told me about feeling better doing His work. I'm glad that I listened and followed along. The rest of the night went along fine. I was feeling back to my usual self. Got my printer working, now have what I needed earlier. I hope that I get the chance to go back to the Temple.