To Bribe or Not To Bribe - an opinion piece (March 19, 2013)

I want to start off by saying that I do know the difference between bribing someone and a reward system.

As well as for the things I have to say about parenting and young children. Yes I know I am not a parent yet and things might be different when I have my own. However, I believe I have a good amount of common sense and I was raised well so I can see some stuff that doesn't need to go on.

I don't believe in bribery. I think bribing children into proper behavior relates to rotten adults that still expect the bribe. Often its food, or sometimes money. I do believe in setting up a reward system with consequences for young children can help them learn what behavior is OK and not. As well as teaches them that when you do really well and exceed expectations, often a reward follows. That no reward follows when minimum expectations are not met. It can encourage children to always do their best to exceed because they want what could be waiting for them.

This has been stirring in my head for a time. Set off by a few things: Stuff a friend said to me, behaviors at work, observations, and a discussion with my brother finding he actually shares my opinion.

I was talking to a friend about some stuff that had been bothering me. She told me that often in order to get people to do what you want, you have to bribe them into it. She went on to explain that when she was a child, for her parents to get her to do what they wanted, they had to bribe her to do it. She said she has since grown out of that expectation.  I disagreed with that opinion because with what I wanted people to do, there was already a reward involved. When you are already getting something, be it temporal or spiritual, that should be enough. You shouldn't need or expect a reward on top of that.

This has become a problem at work. We have minimum expectations that are not too much to follow. In my opinion, the reward for meeting expectations is your paycheck. There shouldn't be an extra reward for doing what you are paid to do. An honest days work for the pay. There is a young man at work in which I am having difficulties with. He was recently moved into my area. He has been at DI for longer than I have. My problem is he does not move fast enough to get the minimum amount of work done. He's not up to par. I've tried encouraging him, coaching him, and teaching him ways to pick it up. He acknowledges what I say, but continues to poke along. Today I had to have another co-worker work alongside with him to get the job of one person done. They were tagging priced items and placing them on carts. It is a very easy job. The easiest part of the area. The other day, I had the same pair work together, sorting items from a cart into bins for me to price. Even when I had both of them do the same job, I had very little to price. I'm not quite sure what to do to get him up to standards. I have yet to bring this attention to my manager. I'm trying to see if there is anything I can do before getting my boss involved.

Earlier today, there was a time in which he was tagging by himself and during the time it would've taken me to complete one cart, he completed about 1/8th of the cart. I was frustrated so I told him (nicely) that I need him to work as fast as possible. He told me he couldn't. I told him that I believe he can. He insisted that is not possible. I figure it is, because when I first started out at DI, I was slow. I didn't think I would ever be fast enough. My manager at the time set clear expectations for me and let me know she knew I could do it. At the time, I didn't care for it too much because I didn't believe in myself. Then I started meeting quota and gradually got faster and faster to then I was up to par and usually exceeded expectations. I appreciate that manager for not giving up on me or giving in.

It was brought to my attention from a girl that used to work with him in his previous area that he can work fast. Their manager told them that if they got a clothes rack done in half an hour, they would each receive $5 store credit. The young man was well able to complete that task. So I know he can move. There comes the question, does he just not want to? Or is he waiting to be rewarded for doing his job?

My friend had come back to my area the other day when he was working and was telling me excitedly about how her boss is going to strongly reward his team if the basic expectations are met. I don't agree with that idea, but its her boss. Currently, my area in the soft-lines section is the only one where there is not an extra reward for minimum work done. As it should be. We are not exceeding expectations, or even meeting them half the time, so there shouldn't be a reward. An idea was brought up that maybe if the people in my dept were bribed with food that they would try to meet the minimum. I vetoed that. I hope that my boss doesn't decide that is a good idea.

I like to observe people. Often, I observe parents in stores with unruly children, bribe them with treats or toys if they would just behave that one trip. When I would go to my home ward, I would observe parents give their kids food, toys, anything to just get them to stop screwing around, screaming, and misbehaving. I don't agree with parents who bribe their children into behaving. From what I've seen and can assume, it makes for a spoiled child. They get what they want. Whether it be to go home or just embarrass their parents. They learn a bad pattern. They learn that by being bad, they are rewarded. When they are good, they may also be rewarded. There is nothing to separate which is right and wrong if they get a treat either way. I don't know what changed in parenting styles that parents began to give into their children and let them run them ragged. I think it should go back to the children respect their parents, do what they are told, and behave simply out of obedience.

Growing up, our (my brother and I) were never bribed. We did what we were told or there would be consequences that followed. My mom said we were just naturally good kids. I think there was more to good child-rearing involved in that. I can remember that I wasn't the easiest to raise. One thing I remember most out of that was a reward system my parents set up. If I was good, I would earn a blue poker chip. If I was bad, I would earn a red poker chip. At the end of the week, depending on how many blue chips I had, I would get to choose a reward. If the red outdid the blue, then I didn't earn a reward that week. That was rare. I remember I would usually get to choose from getting a candy bar, donuts, or if I exceeded I would get to choose McDonald's. I remember I loved going to McDonald's, or as I called it back then "Mickey D's" so I strived to earn those blue chips. Something else I think I remember them doing (Mom correct me if I'm wrong!) is we would get to choose our own candy bar. My dad loved Hershey Bars. Often on Sunday's we would get to have a Hershey Bar after dinner. If we were good for I think I week, we'd get to choose the candy we got. I remember my brother and I choosing Sixlets.

We were never physically punished. If misbehaved, we'd get put in time outs and have privileges taken away.  My parents are good parents and I agree with how they raised us. I remember they were pretty no-nonsense. It just didn't benefit us to go against the rules laid out for us. There was no fussing in the store to get what we wanted. If we fussed in the store, one parent would take us out to the car and sit with us while the shopping was finished. We didn't get extra food or toys in order to get us to behave. Getting to be in the store with them was a privilege and we liked being able to see things picked out and sometimes our opinion asked. Things were always made clear. Tv, games, toys were things we earned, not things we had a right to.

There also wasn't a continuous purchase of wants and toys. We never went without. We also weren't spoiled. Birthday and Christmas were extra special because we appreciated the gifts we got. I think that's because we didn't get it right when we asked for it.

How we were raised as kids, brought us up to be good adults. We don't take things for granted because we know things can be taken away. We strive to do the best we can at work. We get along with our managers. We get along with our parents. I'm thankful that they never bribed us.

I plan on raising my future children the same way I was. I want to be a good mom just like mine is.

To conclude, don't give into your kids or bribe them into things. They may fuss and pout for that time. But they'll respect you as the authority figure. Then when they grow up, they'll appreciate how you raised them. It'll all be worth it :-)